I dont want the whole word

the sun, the moon, and all their light.  I just wanna be the only girl you love all your life.

As I sit here exceeding my Christmas movie maximum for the year on ABC Family and my son builds his 10th tent of the night in the dining room I am torn.  I am torn between being joyful that I have almost everything imaginable in my life..I really am blessed and spoiled in a sense...

I am healthy (thank god for vitamins!!), my son is happy and healthy, I have found and maintained an amazing group of friends, and I have a pretty freakin awesome family.  The only thing missing is half my heart...It is dwelling 10,000 feet above Afghanistan as we speak--trudging through the mountains; protecting my freedom and ensuring that future generations will have theirs as well.  Hearing from him regularly is a blessing that I don't take for granted but it gets harder and harder to remain strong and hold it together.  Matthew has started saying he misses his daddy and I am running out of answers for him.....

 *****

On a lighter note, I have felt a weight lifted from my shoulder and a part of me "fixed" after some recent cleansing of toxins in my life...I have learned that missery loves company and without happiness from those around you it is impossible to be happy.  It is impossible to be the light to everyone's day...its impossible to stay positive when you spend all your time ensuring others are happy and taken care of..its exhausting.  I have found my happiness and my balance thanks to some "bomb diggety" military wives!  All branch slander thrown aside (hahah AF vs Army) there will never be understanding from those who dont experience what it is like to be a part time single parent.  It was recently explained to me the difference in a single parent and a military spouse...single parents are prepared for this--they plan for this--they budget for this--they become pros at being mom and dad but having a deployed spouse is only part time----yes, it is a choice but it is a choice you wish you could fix.  You spend your time not only worrying about you children but your heart as well...you spend countless hours every night checking your phone to make sure the battery is charged enough in case "he" calls.....

I cried today listening to "Baby, all I want for christmas is you"....why?? Im not sure--it really isnt that romantic or sappy of a song but Mariah Carey and Justin Beiber brought tears to my eyes...yes, Justin Beiber---don't judge me!

-So God please protect our soldiers
On this holiday eve so late
And give an extra hug
To their wives who wait-